They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
