Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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