i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize
