i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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