So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
