He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
