Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize