There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
