Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
