as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
