It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
