i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
