What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
