i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
