I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
