It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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