i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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