Are we in a gay sports bar?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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