If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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