Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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