angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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