Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
