Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
