Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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