Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
