before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
