Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize