I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
