They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize