TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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