did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
