I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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