i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up under a house in Key West
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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