hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
