do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
