I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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