And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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