So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
