i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
