the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
