I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
