yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
