who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
