You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
