Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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