I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I woke up under a house in Key West
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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