My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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