so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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