"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
