well I can't set my house on fire every night
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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