im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just invented taco cereal.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
