May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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