this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love you.
Bad choice
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
