I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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