dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
