im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
