Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
