why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize