Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
