Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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