I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
