I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
