I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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