I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
