Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
