i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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