I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
