Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
