I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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