just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
