He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
