I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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