I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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