Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
