at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
